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Adventures of the Dread Pirate Emmeline May

'It's like being attacked by the 80s!!'

The Dread Pirate May
29 July 1978
External Services:
  • emmelinemay@livejournal.com

Suzerain are the best band ever. Go give them 5 stars.

Emmeline May's Wishlist

this is my idea of romance, should you be wondering.

Please read this before you add me!!

My journal is about 70% friends only - if you really want to be added, please leave a comment or email me. I don't add people back if I can't figure out who they are or don't know them in real life, or if we haven't been community friends for a while.

Remember - LJ is a tool, it is not the only way to communicate; if you want to get to know someone, an LJ Friends list is not the only way!

A lot of stuff about me, (the boring bits!), gets locked. Rest assured, if I do anything really exciting (basically the interesting bits) I will most likely put it in a public post anyway.

That said, feel free to add me if you want to read, and please don't be offended if I don't add you back!

You could always add one of my other blogs, which are almost entirely public:

maybetwisted - Adventures of a London Roller Girl

2wheelsbetter - Adventures of a Cycle Commuter

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

outgoing, social, disorganized, easily talked into doing silly things, spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking, good at getting people to have fun, pleasure seeking, irresponsible, physically affectionate, risk taker, thrill seeker, likely to have or want a tattoo, adventurous, unprepared, attention seeking, hyperactive, irrational, loves crowds, rule breaker, prone to losing things, seductive, easily distracted, open, revealing, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, attracted to strange things, non punctual, likes to stand out, likes to try new things, fun seeker, unconventional, energetic, impulsive, empathetic, dangerous, loving, attachment prone, prone to fantasy

favoured careers: -
performer, actor, entertainer, songwriter, musician, filmmaker, comedian, radio broadcaster/dj, some job related to theater/drama, poet, music journalist, work in fashion industry, singer, movie producer, playwright, bartender, comic book author, work in television, dancer, artist, record store owner, model, freelance artist, teacher (art, drama, music), writer, painter, massage therapist, costume designer, choreographer, make up artist

disfavoured careers -
data analyst, scientist, researcher, financial advisor, business analyst, govt employee, office manager, mathematician, investment banker, office worker, computer tech, it professional, network engineer, strategist

The Nature of Emmeline May

Emmeline May is generally an outgoing and friendly creature, although can occasionally have unpredictable and sudden mood swings which can often surprise those not used to this behaviour. These have been slowly decreasing over the years; and Emmeline May is considerably more stable and easy-going now.

The mood swings are usually due to tiredness, stressed-ness, and/or hormones. Those with more experience tend to recognise these mood swings before they appear, and vacate the surrounding area. Emmeline May has also learnt to predict these mood swings before they manifest, and will take prompt action to minimise civilian casualties.

Emmeline May is usually happy, as she has a very short memory, and often forgets what it is that was bothering her ten minutes previously. She rarely holds grudges, as she forgets why she has them.

Being fairly opinionated Emmeline May loves a good debate, and will often take a point of view she doesn’t necessarily agree with in order to challenge the assumptions of others. Emmeline May has found that this has helped her to understand many different sides to an argument, even if she doesn't agree.

Emmeline May is also cleverer than she lets on, and is quite capable of backing a weaker opponent into a corner. Some people may find having their opinions questioned threatening, and as such are advised not to get into a debate with Emmeline May, unless they enjoy that sort of thing.

She rarely gets the issue under debate confused with her personal feelings about the person with whom that discussion occurred.

Emmeline May is a natural performer, constantly performing even if no-one is watching. She is happier on stage than off it, and wishes she'd done more with her performing arts degree than got drunk a lot. She has a rare genetic condition from both parents which results in a disturbing lack of shame.

Emmeline May is also known to be almost unbelievably absent minded, and despite being actually quite clever, tends to be 5 minutes behind the conversation.

She often forgets words, and gesticulates madly while she waits for her brain to catch up with her mouth. This is either really cute or really irritating, depending on your point of view. Emmeline May is not sure whether is it her brain running too slow, or her mouth too fast.

Emmeline May is easily amused.

The History Of Emmeline May

Born in St Albans in deepest darkest Hertfordshire in 1978, moved to Bideford in even deeper darker Devon in 1981, returning to St Albans in 1989.

Only daughter of the much beloved shackers who is a mum, twin sister and best friend in one convenient package. shackers emigrated to South Africa recently to have adventures and do Good Things. Read her journal, it’s more interesting than this one.

Child of a ‘broken home’, Emmeline May has a half Brother who has not yet fallen under the LJ spell, but does like Dungeons and Dragons, Pink Floyd, The Who and playing the drums; and a Half Sister, lizabeff

Emmeline May moved to London to attend Brunel University in 1997, graduating with a nearly-first (2.1) in performing arts in 2000. She remained in London and is still strangely attached to the city.

Emmeline May spent many years suffering from Depression and Agoraphobia, but spent a long time working very hard to learn to live with it, and was officially declared Not Mental early in 2006. She is very proud of herself for this achievement. Emmeline May believes that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help anyone, regardless of whether they think they have a problem or not. She also now knows that that happiness is all in how you think, not in what happens to you.

How to spot Emmeline May in a crowd

Emmeline May is always more gregarious in a crowd, being a natural performer and a seeker of attention.

She is loud, talkative, and usually too bouncy for her own good. if you see Emmeline May holding a brightly coloured beverage, it is likely she will soon be running up the walls, due to an allergy to food colouring. Emmeline May's current drink of choice is Kahlua with Diet Coke (in cold weather) or Vodka, soda and lime (hot weather).

Emmeline May loves tattoos and being tattooed, and the only thing that has prevented much of her skin from being covered in tattoos is a permanent cash-flow issue.

She has an obsession with roller skating, and can often be found wearing roller skates in unlikely situations, such as while doing the washing up.

Her appearance will depend on her mood. She is an ex-goth-type, and as such has rather a lot of black in her wardrobe. She is normally to be seen in leggings, ra-ra skirts and little t-shirts. 'Reject from the 80s' would be a compliment.

She would like to dress like a 50s-pin-up-burlesque-princess, but has not the posture, money, or sense of style to carry it off.

She has a tendency to dress like a Pirate.

Emmeline May's hair was an every changing marvel of nature. It has been pink, blue, green, red, purple, dreaded, long, short, shaved, twisted, bleached, plasticy , woolly, foamy, and often a combination of the above, so many times that a sighting of the hair in its natural state became a rare sight indeed.

Her hair is currently 2-tone, bleached white on top and black underneath, however the length is subject to change without notice.

The changeability of her appearance once lead some to ask Emmeline May who she is today, rather than how she is. However, her personality has settled over the years, and as such, so has her appearance.

Emmeline May be shorter than she appears.

Emmeline May's Pass-times

When Emmeline May can occasionally be found reading fantasy books really meant for children, drawing with crayons, planning to take over the world, practising singing (often in the shower) and wishing she was a predator, amongst many other diverse activities.

She loves running round playing silly games, making everyone else play silly games, and generally being silly.

Emmeline May has an alter ego in the form of maybetwisted, who is one of the London Roller Girls, although she isn't very good at roller derby yet. When May BeTwisted grows up, she wants to be a super hardcore awesome Roller Derby Girl.

Favourite games:

1 to 10
Master Of The House
Freeze Tag - on skates

Emmeline May is happy to teach these games to people in an appropriate setting, but usually ends up teaching them to drunken friends in pubs and parks.

Her innate love of performance and rather bizarre natural skill with small children led her to get involved with Chicken Shed children’s theatre, which she very much enjoys. She also works with a Brownie group, which mainly consists of running around playing silly games, drawing with crayons and generally being silly.

Emmeline May likes to burn things.

Common reactions to Emmeline May

* "you've changed your hair again"
* "oh god, not predator again"
* "very funny. now please shut up"
* "if i play with you will you go away afterwards?"
* the wind changes you'll stay like it
* "please let go that hurts. even if you are only playing."
* "they're coming out of the walls man"
* "Skip to the end..."
* "do you ever shut up?"
* I'm not sure you should do that on skates you know

What not to say to Emmeline May

* "you look fat in that"
* "the predator isn't real. nor are the Transfomers. No, not the Thundercats either"
* "the Predator DVD is missing"
* "i bet you couldn't drink this all in one go"
* "i'm not racist but...."
* "have you found jesus?" (n.b. this is likely to receive a response of "i'm so sorry, i didn't know he was lost. Have you tried down the back of the sofa?")
* "when are you going to tidy your room?"
* "you owe me money"
* "i ate all your bees"
* "buy your own drink"
* "soul calibur is ok, but it's not as good as (insert game here)"
* i bet you wouldn't (insert nefarious and/or dangerous activity here) for 15 quid"
* You can't roller skate in here

Quotes from Emmeline May

* Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease
* oi oi you luck-ee peeeople
* viking tyres/ginsters pies
* and Brian's getting the jaffa cakes
* don't like it
* if you see what i mean
* you know what i mean?
* if that makes sense
* does that make sense?
* I’d love one, thank you so much. Make that a double.
* you're one uuugly mudderfokker
* you're going to kill me, aren't you?
* who's ya daddy?
* fuck you. fuck you and all you stand for.

The communities of Emmeline May

Emmeline May is a moderator for being_good - a community for people who have goals to achieve and need community support and poking with sticks to achieve it.

Emmeline May also loves doing Exciting Things. She runs domorethings to try and make people do Exciting Things with her.

The other personalities of Emmeline May</a>


The shopping recommendations of Emmeline May

Awesome bags, tops and dresses made from vintage t-shirts with fabulous trims, personally made to your specification! They also sell fabulous hair prices and Mac and Ben Nye pigments at excellent prices. Great customer service.

Beautiful hair clips to bring out the glamorous but tough sex kitten inside you!

'Amazing hair for amazing people' - quite possibly the best dreads in the business, and wonderful human hair extensions. I wouldn't let anyone else touch my hair.

Fabulous synth and human extensions, create a work of art on your head - or fake it with an incredible hand made wig. This is the only other person I'd allow to touch my hair:

80s childrens tv shows, 80s music, agent x, alcohol, aliens, angels, batman, bed of nails, being silly, big shoes, bleak humour, bloc party, body modification, bright colours, british bulldog, bubbles, burning things, butterflies, cherries, children, chinese horror, chocolate, colours, comics, dancing like a twat, destroying things, diet vanilla coke, doing dangerous things, doing things in london, drama, drinking, evil scotsmen, false eyelashes, false nails, fire, fire staff, fish, football, fortean, freak shows, fruit, gambit, garth ennis, garth nix, gigging, goth stuff, goths falling over, hair, hair extensions, happyness, interlock, japanese horror, kit kat kubes, kylie, leopard print, london roller girls, long journeys, martial arts, maximo park, metal, mini eggs, music, neil gaiman, nunchuku, old painless, paintball, peircings, performance art, pirates, playing it, playing with fire, playing with knives, playstation 2, poi, pop music, predator, predators, psychophile, punisher, rachael huntington, random days out, random swirly things, reading, resident evil, ribbons, roller derby, roller skating, roses, rude and obnoxious macros, rum, running with scissors, self dependence, semiotics, sexy underwear, shaved heads, shock headed peter, showing off, skulls, smell of petrol, soul calibur, south africa, spikes, stilt walking, strawberries, suzerain, swarf, system of a down, tattoos, terry pratchett, the fortean times, the kaiser cheifs, the killers, the modern, the tiger lillies, theatre, tofu, tyson mcadoo, unicorns, unique looks, veganism, veggie sausage sandwiches, vintage t-shirts, weird pictures, wierd dreams, wolverine, xfm, zebra print, zombies